Survivor: South Pacific Episode 4 Running Diary

Because of a DVR error I didn't record Survivor Wednesday night. So I watched it on Thursday on Demand. Thank you Comcast for your crappy DVR service.  

Another Wednesday, another exciting episode of Survivor: South Pacific. Last week Papa Bear got the boot, which wasn't much of a surprise. In fact, we're three episodes in and we've really only seen one surprise, the emergence of Coach as General Patton. Where's the vengeful Dragon Slayer? Where's the tai chi? So far the most brazen thing Coach is done is flirt with a woman named Edna. Edna!

Instead, so far the star of the show has been Arkham Asylum escapee Brandon HANTZ (I looked it up on the CBS website so you guys can stop giving me crap about the spelling), who was recently diagnosed with hotchickphobia, a very rare disease among heterosexual males. The Hantzster also has the unique ability to talk to God. Yet so far that hasn't really helped him much.

Will Brandon finally lose it? Will Probst's mancrush Cochran finally grow a pair? What's the Vegas odds on Probst not wearing a blue shirt this week? 100:1? 1000:1?

Find out on this week's episode of...Survivor: South Pacific!

7:00 - Review from last week. Aside from her love of firearm noises, Stacey is a complete non-factor. People like her, who seem to be completely clueless, make me wonder why they even apply, let alone make it on the show.

7:02 - Ozzie and Elyse getting cozy in a hammock. There Ozzy goes, thinking with his junk again. I thought he and Keith were tight? If I was Keith I'd be worried about getting usurped. Although I freely admit that Elyse looks a lot more fun to snuggle with on those cold island nights.

7:04 - Love the dramatic morning shot of Russell...er...Brandon, who is regurgitating everything he's said all season. He apologizes to Mikayla and keeps talking about how the game is messing with him. I think I realize Brandon's problem, he's off his meds.

7:05 - Gah! Now Brandon is telling Edna she's not part of the core five. His duty to "be honest" is forcing him to tell her the truth. What an ass. Don't you love people who justify telling you crap to mess with your head by using the phrase "I just gotta be honest" as an excuse. I wish this worked in real life. Maybe then I could walk up to my boss and say, "No offense, but you're so short that it's hard to take you seriously. You remind me of a munchkin from The Wizard of Oz." I hope Coach sees what he's doing and karate kicks him in the face.

7:08 - Duel time. Christine vs Papa Bear! Or as I see it,  Nancy Grace vs Harvey Fierstein! I dare you to tell me Christine and Papa Bear aren't their body doubles.

7:09 - I love how they call the place where they hold the duel, "the arena". Very Spartacus-esque. If they'd just oil up we might have something a bit more interesting to watch. Actually, forget I said that. An oiled up Christine and Papa Bear would make me vomit.

7:10 - Prior to the contest Brandon apologizes to Christine for the way he's played the game. Little Hantz's come-to-Jesus act is getting really old, really quick. I hope he goes this week, the dude has turned into an unpredictable wild card that can't be trusted. If Coach is smart (a big IF) he'll get rid of him now and have Edna take his place in his core five.

7:13 - And Christine wins a very close bean bag toss. Very appropriate challenge for two people of this age group, but somewhat boring.

7:16 - Stacey (a mortician who slurs her speech so bad that I can only understand the gun noises she makes) and Mikayla are getting annoyed with Edna. I just think they're being haters. They know they're on the outside looking in and are looking for anyone to target their frustration at. I guess the cute asian anesthesiologist with the goofy laugh who tries to get to know her tribemates is a good person to target.

Why would I post a picture of Stacey when this was available on cbs.com instead? 

7:20 - Immunity challenge time! It's the old "how much weight can you hold" chestnut. This challenge has been around FOREVER. I first remember seeing it during Survivor: Australia. It's a classic though, and unlike some challenges, I wouldn't mind if they did it every season.

7:27 - And Ozzie's tribe wins. Dawn pulled through at the end. I'm rooting for Dawn. She cried on the first episode of this season, but it looks like she's started to figure the game out a bit. Also, as a fellow 40-year old, I can't help but root for her.

7:30 - Looks like it's between Edna and Stacey. Stacey believes that her performance at the immunity challenge should save her over the weaker Edna and she certainly has a point, however, if I'm on the island I'll take loyalty over strength every time. That and Stacey's eyerolling shows she's not trustworthy.

7:33 - It's as easy to get into Brandon's head as it is to get into a bag of peanuts. Stacey managed to mess with him and put all sorts of doubt into his head by saying just two sentences. Coach tries to talk him off the ledge but he's resisting like a three-year old who's throwing a temper tantrum that doesn't want to get picked up. Yo Coach, kick this idiot to the curb. You'll still have numbers even after he's gone, get rid of his crazy ass!

7:36 - Tribal Council time! Over the course of the show Probst's shirts have gotten a progressively darker blue. Just in case you missed that.

7:38 - Brandon just referred to himself in the third person. I promise, PROMISE, that if I get on Survivor I will only refer to myself in the third person. As much as humanly possible. Now that will get me some air time!

7:39 - And here goes Brandon with his crocodile tears. I hate people who hide behind God. By the way, I think Brandon just broke the record for the most times a Survivor contestant has broken down into tears on a season, and this is only episode 4.

7:40 - Says Brandon during tribal, "I don't want to be misrepresented". No worries there pal, everyone in America is now well aware of your issues. There should be pictures of you in post offices and grocery stores warning people about you.

7:41 - Brandon's full of talk but little action. A guy who talks as much as this guy about redemption doesn't actually do it, he just tells you about it. He doesn't have a responsible bone in his body. I'm looking forward to the reunion show where he blames editing for the way he was portrayed.

7:42 - And Stacey goes. Coach goes in for a hug on her way out and he blows him off like Adrian Peterson on an approaching linebacker. I'm glad she's gone, Stacey is about as likeable as a football to the groin. Kind of like that ass of an uncle you have to put up with at family get-togethers, but you can't understand a word she says. At least BFFs Christine and Stacey will get to eliminate one other, that should provide some sweet irony.

Final thoughts - A somewhat subdued episode, but not bad overall. This is what I'd call a foreshadowing episode. No real surprises happened this week, but you just might get a hint of some things to come. The Elyse/Ozzie relationship is going to cause some problems. Brandon has to go sooner rather than later. The Denver Jim/Cochrane pairing could possibly make some noise. As for Christine/Stacey, they are complete non-factors. They'll get some camera time over the next few weeks, but in reality they're just annoying bittermen. In all honesty, they have no right to be upset about anything. Neither one of them played the game worth a damn, so they both deserve to go.

Well, that's if for now. See you all next week!

Product Review: Nyko Zoom

Product: Nyko Zoom
Price: $29.99
Purpose: Kinect attachment so gamers can play closer to their TVs
Availability: Most major retailers (Best Buy, Target, Radio Shack, GameStop, etc) 

I really like the Kinect. There I said it. Feel free to make fun of me if you want to, I know I'm in the minority as far as hardcore gamers who enjoy the Kinect go, but I don't care. I think it's a cool device. It hasn't come remotely close to reaching its potential but if used properly, it can be as revolutionary as the Wiimote.

But, and this is a big butt, the Kinect has some issues. The most annoying of which is its space requirement. Ideally, you should be 6-8 feet from the Kinect for it to work properly. Unless you live in the Batcave, chances are you're bumping into walls, couches, or the random ottoman as you dance, punch or kick in front of your TV. And even if you do have the space, you're probably forced to do some quick Vern Yip-style living room rearrangements anyway.

Like many other gamers, the Kinect spacing issues are a big problem for me too. My house is old, it was built in 1946, so it has some very small rooms. My office is only 12'x12'. That's not a bad size but considering I have a desk, a treadmill, a bookcase, and my 360 and Wii gaming rigs set up in this room it doesn't really leave a lot of space for motion sensing. So when I heard about Nyko's Zoom peripheral, which puts a wide-angle lens over the Kinect so gamers can play closer to it, I was intrigued.

The Zoom connects easily to the Kinect.

I didn't pick it up right away however. I don't have anything against Nyko products (I have one of their Wiimote charging stations) but as a rule I'm skeptical of third party devices (especially controllers) and wasn't that impressed with its mixed reviews I was reading online. But, after kicking my treadmill for the 1000th time, I decided to give it a shot. I stopped by GameStop, plunked down my $30 and proceeded to experiment with my new toy. The results? Not quite what I was hoping for.

I tested out the Zoom with two of my favorite Kinect games, The Gunstringer and Dance Central. I have a number of other Kinect games (about 8-10) but since I play these more often than the others and they're very different types of titles, I thought they'd give me the best feel for how the Zoom performs.

Sadly, the Zoom had issues with both games. With The Gunstringer my Kinect had trouble tracking two distinct objects, both of my hands. You use both hands for different purposes in the game, but for some reason my Kinect was suddenly cross-eyed. When I had to put my hands close together or one on top of the other, the game was glitchy, with the on-screen cursor twitching like I had gone a week without a drink.

With Dance Central the problems weren't nearly as obvious. From the waist up the Kinect didn't have any problems tracking me. But from the waist down it seemed to have problems seeing where my legs were. After looking at the post dance photos, I noticed that the camera was angled way too high. It was basically only getting me from the hips up.

My 360 and Wii gaming set up. The Kinect sits front and center.

I popped the game out and went to the Kinect Tuner, thinking I could rectify the problem. But even after fiddling with it for 10-15 minutes, I was still told that my Kinect couldn't see the ground. The ground! I found this odd since my Kinect is placed in front of my TV and is only about 3 1/2 feet off the ground. After messing with the tuner I went back into both games but the same problems remained. I then took off the Zoom, and even though I had to go back to my normal spot (about 6-7 feet for ideal for me), my Kinect performed much better.

Time for some disclaimers. It's very possible that if I'd have fooled around with more of my Kinect games that I might have found a few that the Zoom would have worked with. Even with Dance Central, it didn't effect my gameplay that badly. It was more of an inconsistent annoyance than anything. Also, keep in mind I only tried the Zoom playing solo, so I'm not sure how much it improves gameplay with two people, which is something it should do if it works as advertised. All that said, I'm still returning it.

For me, a Kinect peripheral that doesn't work with every Kinect game just isn't worth the money. If it's supposed to work, it should work all the time. I shouldn't have to test run it with every Kinect game I own or every new Kinect game I buy to see if it's compatible. I also shouldn't have to constantly take it off and put it back on depending on what game I'm playing. It's just a hassle.

While I've seen glowing reviews for the Nyko Zoom, I certainly didn't have a positive experience with it. If you're confused about some of the mixed signals you're getting from reviewers, it may be worth checking out for yourself. Just don't be surprised if you end up disappointed.

Pros: Quick installation
Cons: Doesn't quite work as advertised, $10 more than it should be
Overall Score: 2/5

Comic-Con Do's and Don'ts

For about 18 months I was the Editor-in-Chief of Brokemycontroller.com. The site is going to shut down in November so I'm going to be reposting some of the pieces I wrote there on this blog so they can continue to live on. You can check out the original link for this post here.

You can take a look at my daily Comic-Con 2011 posts, in order, here, here, here, here, and here (lots of cosplayers in this one). 

If you're planning on going to Comic-Con 2012 you better plan ahead. Hotel rates are ridiculous during the week of the Con and the price of airline tickets fluctuates wildly no matter where you're going. If you're not a member of the press be sure that you buy your passes online the day they are made available. This year tickets for Comic-Con sold out in 8 hours. Eight! Considering that there were about 125K attendees, that's pretty impressive. 

What else should you do to prepare for next year's Con? Read this post. Originally I was going to write about a few things that could make Comic-Con significantly better (reduce the number of people attending, rotate the location where it's held, let press actually get press access, clearing rooms after panels) but since those are things that'll never happen, some Do's and Don'ts for attendees made more sense. 

Going to your first Con? Been to the Con before but it's been awhile? Go to the Con every year but are frustrated by the crowds? This post is for you.

Counselor Troi and Worf were at the Con.

DON'T 

- Underestimate the tenacity of the crowds. Don't get me wrong, everyone I bumped into (and it was A LOT of people) was very polite. Almost everyone said "excuse me" or "sorry" when you couldn't help but bump shoulders, but the crowds at Comic-Con are like a tsunami. Unavoidable. And if there's a line of people, they can be unforgiving. Lines form much earlier than you'd ever expect for big panels (days in many instances) and they are never ending so plan accordingly. 

- Come unprepared. This means a few different things. First, bring your own water bottle to stay hydrated. Bottles at the Con can cost you $3 a pop. That doesn't sound like a lot but it will add up after awhile. Be sure to dress comfortably. You will be doing a lot of walking. The SDCC is huge and chances are that unless you have a ton of money, you won't be staying that close to the convention center which means even more walking. Be sure to bring a backpack too. If you're so inclined you can use the giant bag all attendees are given when they check in. I found these unwieldly so I used a backpack instead. And finally, be sure to bring plenty of cash. Some dealers only take cash and it's easier to negotiate with as well. 

- Be inflexible. Unless you are seriously committed to making a panel you will miss something you really wanted to see (Twilight fans were camping out Monday for the Thursday panel. CRAZY!) . The good thing about that is that there is always something going on at the Con. So have a backup panel that you're more likely to get into if the panel you want is packed. 

- Forget to have a positive attitude. The fans at Comic-Con are both the best and worst thing attendees have to deal with. It's fantastic that there's this cool pop culture event that the worlds of gaming, TV, movies, and comics pay attention to. But it also sucks that there are so many people you have to fight through to find the things you (and as it turns out lots of other fans) are really into. Don't sweat it, it's the nature of the beast. If you let it get you down you won't enjoy your trip, which is counterproductive. Instead, commit to the things you MUST see and enjoy the ride. Comic-Con is one of the few places in the world where people with so many unique similar interests hang out together. Make the most of it.  

All jedis are required to visit San Diego in early August.  

DO

- Feel free to dress as crazy as you want. If you dressed like Han Solo at work, people would think you're weird. If you dress like Han Solo at Comic-Con, people will not only take your picture but they'll also probably smile at you and actually call you "Han". Where else in the world will that happen? If you're geeky and love to dress up, the Con was made for you. 

- Bring cash. Did I mention this already? Well, I'm going to say it again. Cabs, tipping, being able to flash cash in negotiations with show floor dealers - cash is invaluable. Oh, and be sure to get it from your bank before you come to San Diego so you avoid ridiculous ATM fees at the SDCC. And most importantly, set a budget for yourself. Take out only as much cash and you're willing to spend. If you use a debit or credit card, you'll likely spend more money than you probably should. Use cash to keep yourself from going on a spending binge you'll regret later. 

- Book a hotel far in advance. With more than 100K attendees descending on San Diego during Comic-Con, hotel rooms are at a premium. My brother and I booked our hotel room in January. January! This worked out well for us as we were able to give a friend who got a press badge late (June) a place to stay. If not, our friend would have had to break the bank to attend. 

- Have a camera ready at all times. This isn't just for all the cosplayers you'll see, and there are A TON, but also for the celebs. As a first time attendee I was shocked at how chock full of celebrities Comic-Con was. I got plenty of celeb pics (I didn't post any on this site but if you follow me on Facebook you'd see a few) but missed out on a lot of others I could have had if I was prepared. Lou "The Hulk" Ferrigno, Chris "Captain America" Evans, and Elijah "Frodo" Woods are just a few of the people I could have snapped if I was ready.

- Make time to see the sights. In my opinion, this is the #1 mistake convention goers make. You're going to a cool city like San Diego and all you're going to see while you're here is the convention center?!? Are you crazy?!? Are Coronado Island, the San Diego Zoo, Legoland, Sea World, or a chick having sex with a donkey in the back room of a seedy bar in Tijuana not interesting to you? What's your problem dude?!? All business and no play make Homer something something. So take a break and play tourist for a bit, or better yet, arrive early or stay after the Con and be a tourist then. You won't regret it, trust me.  

Survivor: South Pacific Episode 3 Running Diary

Wherever Mikayla goes, Brandon isn't too far behind.

Ah, yes. Another Wednesday, another episode of Survivor. Episode 2 saw the emergence of future Celebrity Rehabber Brandon, who is looking more and more like a Hance each week. Should have known he'd revert to his family's psychopathic ways. Anyone who will tell everyone within earshot how honest they are is usually a hypocrite. As my homie Billy Shakespeare once wrote, "I think he doth protest too much". 

The preview from last week sure makes it look like Brandon is about to lose it. This leaves his buddy the Dragon Slayer in quite a predicament. Does he play the loyalty card that bit him in the ass so many times? Or has he wised up and realized that you can only be loyal to someone who deserves it? But this week's biggest question is, what color of blue will Jeff Probst's shirt be? Midnight? Ultramarine? Sky? Navy? Periwinkle? 

Let's find out in this latest edition of the Survivor: South Pacific running diary!

7:01 - Christine shows up to Redemption Island and proceeds to say, "I don't know what happened at tribal council". That's why you got voted out! Then she tells Semhar that Coach is acting like King Farouk, which could be the oddest historical reference I've ever heard. Yo Christine, do you really think a Spoken Word Artist is going to get your King Farouk dig on Coach? Yeah, I'm sure a 24-year old Californian is going to pick up on your Egyptian king who died in 1965 analogy. And yes, I had to look up who the hell King Farouk was too. 

7:06 - Why is Johnny Drama popping up on my TV screen right now? I guess Ari Gold managed to hook him up with a sitcom after his cartoon comedy Johnny Bananas was cancelled. 

7:07 - Duel time! Semhar vs Christine! A lazy poet vs a middle aged white woman. Should be thrilling.

7:08 - Semhar says a pre-challenge poem that starts with "there isn't anything I wouldn't do for this man, I'd even take off my clothes and give him a private show" and then the camera pans to Probst. Everyone looks around awkwardly. I'm not sure if Probst is intrigued, or ready to crap his pants, but I'm sure he's thinking "she's talking about me, right?" 

7:09 - For the record, Jeff's shirt is an azure blue during this challenge. 

7:11 - And Semhar loses a balancing challenge. Instead of studying poetry, she should have majored in plate spinning. It would have been more useful. Christine and her angry, middle aged, Long Island-self lives for another day. In her post challenge interview she blames Coach for her troubles. Hey Christine, if you'd of kept your mouth shut on Day 1 and would've been more social, your idol Barbara Streisand  diva act might not haven't gotten you voted out. You're "39" for crying out loud! Quit blaming a man for all your problems. By the way, the more I look at Christine the more she starts to look like Nancy Grace. Creepy. 

7:16 - Says Brandon, "this morning God chastised me big time, he was not pleased with me".  Sign #256 that Brandon is Son of Sam level crazy - he talks to God.  

7:17 - Oh. my. goodness. And now Brandon has crapped the bed. He just took off his shirt and revealed that he is Russell's nephew. Because we all have tattoos on our body proclaiming our surnames right? Right?!? Can we revote on who the stupidest Survivor of all time is?!? If Brandon throws Coach under the bus for knowing his secret but not telling, he should be nominated for Reality Show Douche of the Year. Last year's winner was Ashley from The Bachelorette for what she did to runner up Ben, in case you were curious. Kasey and Vienna from The Bachelor Pad are the frontrunners so far this year but Brandon is gaining on them. 

7:18 - I love Stacey's reaction to Brandon's confession. "Blam" is all she says. Evidently she can only speak in the language of fire arms. I'm pretty sure "Pew pew" means "Excuse me, can you tell me the time?" And "Kaboom!" means she has to go to the bathroom.

7:19 - Remember when I said last week that Coach has turned a corner? Forget I said that. Coach is an idiot. He says he still trusts Brandon. Seriously!?! How can you! He lied during tribal. He confesses the worst things at the worst possible time. He has a conscience so guilty that unless he's in church with a Bible jammed up his rectum he feels he's doing something wrong. The guy has the mind of a 5-year old. Which, oh I don't know, just might be a liability on a show like Survivor. I guarantee you that if I bribed him a lollipop I could make him punch himself in the face as hard as he could. It's sad when a lingerie football player is the smartest person on your tribe.  

7:21 - Okay, I'm starting to sense a theme here - I call it Stupidity. Ozzy tells Keith, who he thinks he can trust, that he has the hidden immunity idol. Keith proceeds to tell Whitney, who seems surprised that Ozzie would have told him such a thing. Whitney and Keith think Ozzy is telling him because it's a power move. Little do they know, Ozzie is an idiot and only told Keith because he actually trusts him. So I guess this is the season that Survivor drafted players with an IQ under 100. Granted, I get that you have to have an extremely solid two-person alliance at some point, but it's pretty clear Ozzie (again) has no idea who is trustworthy or not. I'm sure this has worked out great in his relationships with women. 

7:23 - To quote Vince Lombardi, "What the hell is going on here?!?". Mikayla pulls Brandon aside to try and clear the air about why he has an issue with her and Brandon turns their conversation into a televised presidential debate by talking things out with his tribe around. Did this guy take "How to Make Yourself Look Like An Jerk on TV 101" at his local community college? Brandon's trying very hard to look like Mr. Transparency, but instead he's coming across as a total loon. I can't remember a Survivor meltdown this epic since Sue Hawk's Survivor All-Star throwdown where she practically spit in Jeff Probst's face. 

7:29 - Challenge time! It looks like there's water involved. Finally. They haven't had a swimming challenge in a long time. Maybe Brandon will have his mouth so full of water that he'll go 5 minutes without sticking his foot in it. 

Says Coach, "I've never heard a funnier anecdote. Now you tell one."

7:36 - And Coach's tribe wins immunity. I guess Brandon will have to live with seductress Mikayla for another three days. Because, as we all know, she's clearly got the hots for him. What lingerie model wouldn't be attracted to a short, chubby, insecure man with tattoos all over his body? 

7:42 - At Ozzy's tribe. Looks like it's between Cochran and Papa Bear. Sadly, at this point in the game neither one of them seems to have a move to make. This leads to Survivor rule #6 - If you're not in the majority, you are the minority. And like most minorities, you'll get screwed.

7:43 - 7:47 - Weird sequence here. The power group decides to get rid of Papa Bear, yet they tell him they're voting for Cochran. Papa (using his retired cop powers) has sniffed it out and knows they're full of it. He then proceeds to pretend he has the idol, despite Ozzie knowing for a fact that he doesn't. I give Papa Bear credit for creativity, but when you know you're toast, shouldn't you just bite the bullet?

7:48 - Tribal council time! 

7:50 - I understand Ozzy's allure, or any former Survivor's appeal, at least initially. If I was on a season and certain former Survivors were on it (Pavarti, Boston Rob, Amber) I'd be staring at them like a 7th grader stars at Justin Beiber in the lastet issue of Tiger Beat. But why don't these people think rationally and say to themselves, "Look, this guy had his shot. This is his third time, this is our first. Let's get him off now!" Granted, I wouldn't be the guy who brought the idea up because any former Survivor would instantly see me as a threat and vote me out, but I'd jump all over it if someone else did. 

7:53 - And Papa Bear goes. If there's not a major move soon, Jeff Probst's man crush on Cochran shall go unrequited. The dude just doesn't have the numbers. At this point it seems like it's only a matter of time before everyone's favorite verbose Harvard law student is gone. 

7:58 - Just saw the preview for next week's episode. Does Cochran finally make a move? If so, I'll be glad. Use that Harvard brain for something other than a doormat. It also seems like Brandon is getting closer to a meltdown, but they teased us that last week too so who knows. 

Final Thoughts - This was a bit of a weird episode. First of all, I broke my own personal records for Survivor quotes in running diary. And Brandon has got to be going soon, right? He's been getting so much air time I don't see how he could stick around. And Probst's man (nerd?) crush for Cochran may give away that next week is when he turns the corner from being an afterthought to being a major player. Maybe. Personally I'd love to see one of the returning Survivors get knocked out early anyway. As much as I don't like Christine's game, she was telling the truth about what most people were thinking - get rid of the former Survivors. I honestly don't think either Coach or Ozzy will win, but if I'm on there and on the chopping block, I'd have a good reason for me staying over a returnee. 

What 4 Decades of Gaming Has Taught Me (About Video Games)

This year I turned 40. It wasn't a big deal. To me birthdays are just another day, a day where I get some unwanted attention because people feel the need to remind me that I'm one year closer to collecting social security and eating tons of applesauce. That said, it is nice to get presents and make my wife (who's a vegetarian) go to a fancy steakhouse and have her pick up the check. Ha!

While I'm not a sentimental sort I did do a little bit of reflection recently on the one constant in my life - gaming. Some of my earliest and fondest memories are of playing video games. Here are a few examples: 

- Christmas Day 1979. I was 8 when my dad got "the family" a brand new Atari 2600 (like I was going to share, yeah right).

- Playing Galaga at the NCO club that was between my house and school in 5th grade when I lived in Germany.

- Pumping tokens into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at Chuck E. Cheese during my brother's birthday parties in Arizona. 

- Playing Mike Tyson's Punchout on the NES while chowing down on Taco Johns after high school football practice in Nebraska.

- Holding NHL '94 and Madden '94 tournaments in my room in college.

I grew up a military brat and moved around a lot, so having something consistent was a comforting thing. This is probably why I'm still a gamer when most guys my age have outgrown it. It's just something that's always been a part of my life. Over the years I've seen first hand the changes gaming has gone through, and since this is turning into a retrospective piece, here are a few observations about gaming I've acquired over the past 4 decades.

The Good Old Days Weren't Always Good - I'm as nostalgic as the next older gamer (personally I prefer the term "classic gamer", but whatever) but gaming's best days are in front of it, not behind it. Besides a PS3, 360, and a Wii, I own a PS1, a Super NES, and an NES. Did you notice that the Atari 2600 isn't on that list? That's because most of the games for it sucked. I'm not saying I didn't have fun with Missile Command, but pretty much every game for the Atari doesn't hold up now. The same thing can be said for most games on every other home console system that's 10 years or older.

Of course, there are exceptions. Super Mario Bros. is still a blast, as are Sunset Riders, NHL '94, and Mike Tyson's Punchout. But those games are the exception, not the rule. There are plenty of gaming aficionados out there that like to blast the current generation and long for  "the good old days". But just like every other type of medium - movies, TV, music - most people look back at the past with rose colored glasses. Personally, I'd rather be a gamer right now than back in gaming's early years. 

Combat on the Atari 2600 was as thrilling as it looks

I've Seen No Connection Between Violence and Games - Nothing ticks me off more than politicians or "family activists" blaming the gaming industry for a kid making a stupid decision. I'm not a psychologist, sociologist, or researcher of any kind and I understand that if you do something for too long it'll mess with your head a bit (I've never looked at buildings the same way after playing long stretches of Crackdown), but in my 30+ years as a gamer I've seen absolutely no evidence that violent video games create violent people. I think the reverse is true. When I'm upset about something I go online and play Halo. Some people exercise, cry, or stuff their face to release stress. I game.

When I was growing up (here's Grandpa Gamer talking now) the kids who were violent or bullies were not that way because of Combat. They were that way because they had a messy home life. I'm not saying all kids should play a game like F.E.A.R. because they shouldn't. But parents need to monitor what their kids play. If you buy your 12-year old the latest Grand Theft Auto, that's on you. As a father of two, it seems that too many parents today don't take enough responsibility for raising their kids. Instead, they like to blame other people for their own stupidity.

We Are In Gaming's Golden Age - There has never been a better time to be a gamer, or for that matter, a game developer or publisher. For gamers, we have more options than ever, both in console and game selection. Games have never looked better, been more engaging, been more interactive, or been more fun. And with an industry that's always moving foward - whether it's 3D or motion gaming or whatever the next big thing is - there's always something to look forward to. For developers and publishers, gaming has become what the film industry used to be - a place to be truly creative and inventive, and get paid. 

Best of all, for us long time gamers the industry has finally reached worldwide acceptance. It used to be that hardcore gamers were made fun of. Now gaming is cool. Hell, you can't get on Twitter anymore without seeing a rapper bragging about how awesome they are online in Call of Duty. With sales numbers in the billions of dollars, gaming is finally getting some long overdue respect as a legitimate form of entertainment along the lines of music, film, and TV. 

Are Games Art? Who cares? - I think that video games are a form of interactive art and it really used to grind my gears when people like Roger Ebert would say otherwise. Now? I couldn't care less. Maybe I'm mellowing out in my old age, but this decades long argument is moot. It's like music. Music is subjective. Some people like Coldplay, other people hate it. Does knowing other people hate Coldplay affect your enjoyment of their music? No. So should some old guy who has never played a game before, yet doesn't think gaming is art, bother you? No way.

Predictions for the Future - I'm no Micheal Pachter, so I don't have any research to back up any of the claims I'm about to make. But, I am a "classic gamer" and I've been around the block a few decades. I've also been covering the gaming industry for 7 years now, so I do have some thoughts on its future. Here are a few ideas on the direction gaming may go. 

- 3D gaming won't be the main way people play games in the future. I see it being a compliment to traditional gaming, much like motion control. Eye fatigue and the glasses requirement will prevent 3D gaming from being anything more than an accessory.

- The Big 3 will NEVER merge to make one console, which is too bad. While it would be convenient for consumers to buy a WiiStation 360, each company has their own unique personality and take on gaming and it would require too much sacrifice from each to make that happen. 

- Microsoft will come out with a handheld in 2 years. Windows Phone 7 is a test run. Imagine getting to play Halo or Gears of War on a portable system, earning Achievements, and moving game progression between the two. Sounds like something Microsoft would do to me.

Survivor: South Pacific Episode 2 Running Diary

Just don't turn around Brandon, you wouldn't want your face to melt like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

It's Wednesday and that can only mean one thing. Survivor time! Will uber nerd Cochran make it past this week? How many trees will Ozzie climb (the over under in Vegas is 5)? How many times will Brandon creepily ogle Mikayla from cover about as concealing as a chain link fence? 

Let's find out on this week's...(dramatic Probstian pause)...Survivor!

7:00 - 7:02 - Recap of last week's episode. Somehow I didn't remember how smoothly Coach made an alliance after being ignored at the start of the competition. I guess like Brandon, I too was distracted by Mikayla.

7:02 - Semhar on Redemption Island sobbing like a spoiled brat. She talks about having "abandonment issues" and proceeds to heal herself through the majesty of poetry, which to my untrained ear sounds a hell of a lot like rhymed whining. And I just looked up Semhar's profile and she's from Los Angeles. Surprise! They don't make people like that anywhere else. 

7:04 - Keith gets his first bit of camera time this season as Ozzie appears to make an alliance with him. Seeing how Keith doesn't have a huge rack and a gorgeous face I'm caught off-guard by this. Maybe that's what it takes to finally do well on Survivor, screw up the first two times you play. 

7:08 - 7:10 - Coach is chatting up Edna, who could have the oddest first name for an Asian I've ever heard. He forms an alliance with her, but personally I just think he's got the hots for her. I've been enjoying this new Coach. He's self-deprecating and easy going. I bet this is how he is in real life. Either that or two stints on Survivor works as one heck of an ego reducer. 

7:12 - Ozzie, doing his best monkey impression (as usual), just found the hidden immunity idol. I guess covering up the idol with a rock in a tree might just give away that there is something under it. Wouldn't the guy who hides immunity idols be the last person in the world you'd trust with keeping something hidden? I bet he's the same guy who "hides" Easter eggs at his local church.

7:16 - Well that didn't last long. After saying he wouldn't tell anyone that he was Russell's nephew, Brandon, who has the strangest guilty conscience in the history of teenage boys, floors Coach by revealing his secret. This is Day 4! Day 4! And you already feel bad about keeping something from a guy who calls himself "The Dragon Slayer"?!? You do know this is a competition right? Didn't Russell give you any advice?!?

7:18 - During the entire Coach/Brandon conversation Coach's junk was pixelated out. I swear if I ever make it on Survivor I won't walk around in my underwear all the time. I promise!

7:20 - You can tell Denver Jim has watched a lot of Survivor. He comes up with this "3 plus 2" plan on who to keep in an alliance of 5 - himself, Keith and Ozzie, and two cute women whose names escape me. I actually like this plan. Maybe its because it sounds like something I'd come up with after taking a few days to size up my tribe and what kind of hand I've been dealt, or maybe it's because after watching this show so many times that's always how it seems to shake out anyway. That said, it seems too easy. I hope something or someone throws a monkey wrench in Jim's plans.

7:25 - Mikayla finally gets some air time! Brandon (who compares her to Pavarti, which is a bit of stretch at this point since she doesn't seem nearly as sly) makes the mistake of fishing with her and he's breaking into a sweat like Waldo in the "Hot for Teacher" video. Brandon is a total contradiction. He's an enigma, wrapped in a blanket, wrapped in a tortilla. He does not act like a typical 19-year old, especially not one related to Russell.

What the heck goes on in that family anyway? You've got a pious teenager who'd flog himself like the albino from The DaVinci Code for daring to look at a gorgeous woman in boy shorts and a sports bra and a toothless "millionaire" who'd stab his own mother in the eye for $20. All in favor of the Hance Family getting their own reality show say aye!

7:28 - I'm rooting for Christine (she's a teacher and I know quite a few teachers) but she's just too obvious in what she's doing. Rule #4 on Survivor - don't stand out early. All that does is put a target on your back. It's tough to tell if she's made any alliances or not, but if she hasn't and she can't find the idol, all she's done is get herself voted out.

7:30 - Challenge time! A May pole, keys, a giant puzzle. Looks like fun!

7:34 - And Ozzie's tribe wins immunity. They came from behind to knock Coach's tribe out. Coach's group had the brawn for the last part of the challenge but not the brains. Funny, after looking over the Survivors, aside from Cochran, only Denver Jim appears to be a real strategic player. Of course, up to this point Cochran's strategy has just been "don't get voted off" so I might be wrong.

"Hey Woody, now that I've taken control of the tribe where do you think my dragon tail should go? Here? (In a redneck accent) How 'bout here sir."

7:39 - I love when a tribe votes off a person for the first time. The stress of it all really shakes up the group.

7:40 - Coach is suddenly taking control of the tribe. Interesting twist. Never would have guessed that after the first episode.

7:42 - Wow, what a great awkward moment. Coach is having a pow wow with his little core group. Mikayla walks over, Coach asks for some "privacy", Stacey walks over, and Coach walks away. If that doesn't tell you the pecking order nothing will.

7:43 - Brandon is DEAD SET on Mikayla. Dude! What is wrong with you?!? Why does she scare you so bad? Are you afraid she'll beat you up? Or are you more afraid you're going to fall harder for her than Charlie Brown did for the little red haired girl but you know she'll flat out reject you because you're a weirdo. You are one odd duck. I think you need therapy.

7:45 - How can Christine be so naive? Survivor Rule #5 - if no one is talking to you, you're screwed. If you have NO CLUE what other people are thinking, you're on the outs and it's only a matter of time until you're gone. How can you not know that?

7:47 - Tribal council! They only show us a few minutes but I've heard these things can go on for hours. I really wish CBS would put the whole thing on their website. It would really give viewers some insight into the game.

7:48 - Coach lays it all out and calls Stacey and Christine out for targeting Mikayla (according to Brandon, but of course Coach doesn't know that). Nice! Really loving Coach this season!

7:50 - Ho-ly crap. Brandon comes clean and admits he was the one who was pushing for Mikayla to get the boot. This prompted Stacey and Christine to start talking over each other like two sixth graders discussing the latest episode of Glee. This guy is an idiot. I'd change my vote to Brandon at this point.

7:52 - Time to vote!

7:54 - And Christine goes home. She looked surprised, Coach looked a little too happy. What a weird tribal. Sophie, Christine, Edna, and Stacey all received votes. That's not good for this tribe, they seem completely disorganized. If Ozzy's tribe is unified in any way they'll wipe the floor with these guys.

7:57 - The preview for next week's show looks good. It appears we'll see the mental breakdown of Brandon, which should be highly entertaining. It reminds me of Jean Grey trying to surpress the Dark Phoenix in the third X-Men movie. And if that's too vague of a pop culture reference for you, too bad!

Final thoughts - I like Albert. He really shined during tribal council. He seems smart, controlled, and savvy. I think he'll go far. Coach suddenly being in control is weird to watch. In his two previous stints he never had any power, now that he does I'm worried he'll turn into Tony Montana in Scarface. I like Cochran but not quite as much as Jeff Probst who I follow on Twitter. I also watch Probst's Tout videos and I think he's giving away (unintentionally of course) that's he's around longer than you'd think. Brandon has some serious issues. My guess? He's a total douche, a drunken booze hound who lived off his uncle's rep for the last 2 1/2 years. He knocked some chick up who was way out of his league (she was only attracted to him because he was a Louisiana D-level celeb thanks to Russell), ended up falling for her, cheated on her, had a revelation and was forced to repent and accept Jesus as his savior in order to keep her and to prevent lawyers from getting at any money he had to pay for child support for some kid that may or may not be his. That's just a guess.

So You Want to Be a Gaming Journalist...

After years of playing games and reading gaming magazines and visiting gaming websites, you've finally say to yourself, "Screw it. It's time to enter the glamorous world of videogame journalism." The early peeks at yet-to-be-released games, the parties at E3, receiving games to evaluate - it sounds like a dream gig. Or is it? There's only one way to find out, dive in and give it your best shot. 

But hold on, getting into any field of journalism is no easy task. You have to be able to write (you'd think this would be a given but it's not, everyone thinks they can write), you need patience and you need a little bit of luck. You also need to know how to to attack your newly chosen profession. 

A number of years ago my colleague Dan Hsu wrote what is still the best piece on the subject when he was the editor-in-chief at EGM, but I figure it never hurts to have another point of view. I'm just a freelancer and not nearly as successful as Shoe, but after stints manning the helm at Brokemycontroller.com and GamePro Arcade, and having written for GamePro, OXM, Play Magazine, GameZone and a few other places, I feel I can contribute a little something to the conversation.

So you want to be a gaming journalist? The following steps can help, hopefully.

Work on your craft - This is priority one. The #1 thing I've noticed from aspiring game writers (I've hired several people from videogamejournalismjobs.com) is that the good ones can take constructive criticism and work at improving their writing. The ones who think they're good but aren't never make it in this industry because A) they can't write and B) they refuse to acknowledge it. Be your own harshest critic and edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit edit your own work until it's exactly the way you want it. Read other writers and break down their technique. What do you like about it and what can you do to absorb that into your own style? If you can be your own worst critic and always hand in solid work that needs little cleaning up, editors will love you. 

Also, be sure to put as much effort as possible into what you write and never submit anything half-assed, even if it's for a site you work for for free, because you never know who will read it.

Be Social - The saying "it's not what you know, it's who you know" certainly applies to gaming journalism. I got my first writing gig by emailing the sports editor of my local newspaper and asking if they needed any freelancers. After I got a job at the newspaper I bugged the entertainment editor to let me cover gaming (something my paper didn't do until I asked). From there I got my first job with a major magazine after interviewing OXM's Fran Reyes and making a good impression. I parlayed my experience with my newspaper and OXM into a gig with GamePro and things started rolling from there. That was 7 years ago.

Now keep in mind, a lot of these people let me go at one point or another. The publishing business is in a constant state of flux. A couple years ago Tae Kim, a senior editor at GamePro at the time, called me and gave me the bad news that GamePro Arcade and all blogfaction sites were getting shut down. My entertainment editor at my newspaper has had to hire and fire me more times than I could count due to budget constraints. But guess, what? I rolled with it and I still work for both organizations because I always leave a place on good terms, I always work hard, and I always made friends with the people I worked with. Not because I had to, but because I like to. That leaves a good impression and people remember that. 

Also, be polite and social with people even if they can't get you work. I'm friendly with many gaming journalists and PR reps. None of them can get me a job but they're good people. And who knows, maybe one day they'll be in a position to cut a guy a break. You know how it goes, you'd rather work with people you know than take a chance with someone you don't.

Before becoming a zombie photographer, Frank West ran his own gaming blog.

Don't Be Shy - I'm not saying you should be pushy or annoying, that will just tick people off. But being shy isn't good either. Meet people, introduce yourself, go to gaming events, and send emails to people you'd like to work with or who inspire you. Events like E3 or GDC are great places to meet people. I met Shoe 4 or 5 years ago by accident when we shared a cab from G4TV's studios to the LA Convention Center. I met Dan Amich at E3 three years ago by walking up to him and saying hi. He didn't know my face but he recognized my name. Now he has a face to go with it. Do the same with PR people. Most PR reps treat me great because I'm always joking around with them when I go to E3. I'm not asking for anything, I'm just being social. They remember that when I actually do need something, even though I'm just a freelancer.

Be sure to show off your experience too. Whenever I send an email to a PR rep or someone who may not know who I am, I always include in my signature the places I've written for. It shows that I'm a serious writer who has chops. I may just be a freelancer, but I'm a freelancer with credentials (or Geek Cred as my son likes to call it). Even if the places you've written for are small, it shows you've been published and you're not some random fanboy looking for a handout. 

Location, Location, Location -  Move to California. If you're reading this you're probably young, single, and have no kids. If you really want to make it as a full time game journalist, moving is something you have to consider. I'm too old, have kids, and have a mortgage. I'm not going anywhere. Of course this doesn't mean you have to move. There are a number of people I know who work freelance full time and live where they want (my buddy Robert Workman does just that and lives just north of me in Denver) but if you're looking to work full time in PR or for a major magazine you'll likely have to move.

Several gaming companies and magazine publishers are based in California and it's also where some of the biggest yearly gaming events take place. It's just where more opportunities lie. My friend Matt Swider moved from Philly to LA and is running Gaming Target from there. Why? Better industry access.

Be Patient - You have a snowball's chance in Phoenix of writing for a place like GamePro or Kotaku right out the gate because it takes time to build up clips and name recognition. It will get frustrating because gaming journalism is wicked competitive. The market is flooded with good writers (and not so good writers) so finding work can be a fierce battle. The truly dedicated and talented persevere and will eventually get work but you may have to write for free for a long time. Just consider it part of paying your dues. 

Since being a new game journalist can be stressful, it should come as no surprise that this is where having fellow writers as friends can come in handy. But again, not just friends who can get you work. I've traded emails and phone calls with many other writers. We'll share our disappointments and successes. It's like a support group because, and I can't emphasize this enough, you will get frustrated. What's great about having friends in the industry is that when you succeed no one will be happier for you than your writer buddies because they know how tough things can get, and when things are going badly they'll be there to help get you through it.

Don't Give Up -  If this really is your dream, you can't quit. I turned 40 this year so I've had plenty of jobs (part-time and full) over the course of my life. Some I've hated, some I've loved. The ones I've really enjoyed were the jobs that I was passionate about regardless of the pay. It sounds like a cliche but it's true. Figure out if it's gaming or writing that you really love. That'll be the starting point to figuring out what your career path will be. Maybe it's not even anything to do with gaming or writing. Do what you're passionate about and money will figure itself out. Do that and you'll be a happier person. 

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