7:05 - Ozzie and his long curly hair makes him look like a hippie, Hispanic Jesus. It's a good look for him.
7:06 - I like Cochran already. He's got a sense of humor and calls Probst out for calling his fav Survivors by their last names. I'm looking forward to Probst calling me "T-Bone" when I finally get on the show.
7:08 - Coach's tribe doesn't seem pleased to get him. I feel bad for the Dragon Slayer. Yes, he's slightly crazy and has a Terrell Owens sized ego, but I believe deep down he's a good guy. I'd work with him right away, but if the other members of the the tribe are down on him, you'd have to stay away from poor Coach or be guilty by association.
7:09 - Time for the first challenge! The Dragon Slayer vs Mexican Jesus!
7:10 - As usual, another great challenge. What I wouldn't give to do one of these, they look like so much fun!
7:11 - Coach is bare chested. The dude has added a TON of tattoos since Tocantins. A bit unusual for a man his age (in his 40s) to add so many tats at this point in his life, but Coach is a unique cat.
7:13 - Ozzie wins the challenge and it wasn't even close. The last puzzle section was very confusing and required a lot of help from both tribes sitting nearby. Ozzie was able to get into the rhythm of the challenge and seemed to get more useful help. Coach? Yeesh, his tribe got frustrated with him real quick. After the challenge ended all but one of his tribemates took off and left him behind. He's in big trouble. If he's not the first guy voted off, I'd be amazed.
7:19 - Ozzie's tribe getting to know each other. A poet, a songwriter, a Harvard law student...interesting mix.
7:20 - Ozzie eyeing the hot poet and thinking about forming an alliance with her. Yeah, hooking up with a hot chick worked so well for you last time Oz.
7:21 - Cochran is awesome. He verbalizes everything I'd be thinking if I was there. A translucent skinned nerd in paradise with a bunch of bikini babes and stronger men. Except for his skin tone, I feel his pain.
7:24 - Coach building bridges with his tribe. He's doing a good job of it too, helping people and working hard to knock down any preconceived notions people have of him. Hopefully it works.
7:26 - We have a Colorado contestant! Denver resident Jim owns two medical marijuana dispensaries (although he told everyone he was a science teacher). His real job is not going to be shocking to anyone who lives in Colorado as these dispensaries are on every other street corner, especially here in Colorado Springs.
7:27 - We also have our token gay contestant, Mark, a former police officer. I like him already. Most of the time CBS casts what you might call "stereotypical gays", but he seems more authentic. He's charming, funny, a team player, and is immediately given the nickname Papa Bear. He's my second favorite new cast member.
7:29 - I just noticed some of the clothing some of the contestants are wearing. Many of them, especially the women, are in business attire. They must have all been caught off guard when they were told it was time to head out.
7:30 - Brandon has the words "Loco" tattooed on his neck. Now that's classy. I was going to have "No Regrets" tattooed on the small of my back but I then remembered I have a brain.
7:32 - Brandon feels uncomfortable around Mikayla. It could be the rumbling in his drawers or because he's a "married, religious" man who doesn't want to be tempted by a gorgeous woman who flaunts her assets. So of course, he acts like a skeevy perv, catching glimpses of her when she's not looking. Sorry dude, but if you're saying stuff like that, you're already in trouble and you're in denial. She's a babe, it's okay to notice a hot chick. God's okay with it. If he wasn't, he wouldn't make hot chicks.
7:32-7:35 - You know why I don't watch Survivor live? Because I don't want to be bombarded with commercials for lame shows like Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, and 20 different CSIs, that's why!
7:36 - Coach forms an alliance with 4 other guys from his tribe. Gee, I wonder what the chances are that he'll get stabbed in the back? Coach said it himself, his game is straightforward and it's been his undoing so far. I still think he's the one getting voted out tonight.
7:40 - Dawn, an English professor, is already losing it on Day 2 (holy crap, I just looked it up and she's only 1 year older than me! Is this how I'd handle it?? Um, no.). She's crying and talking to a bunch of people looking for support. Go ahead and put a target on her back RIGHT NOW. Even she knows that "the person who has the breakdown goes". She's completely over thinking things. This brings me to Rule #1 on how to get through the early stages of Survivor - say nothing. People will eliminate themselves early, you can make it past the first 3-5 tribal councils by just keeping your mouth shut alone.
7:46 - Cochrane's hacking at a coconut like Freddy Kreuger wailing on a teenager. I'm just waiting for him to chop his finger off. Which would be the funniest moment in Survivor history. He's obviously a physical liability but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Weak and strategic players have done well before but usually they're women, not guys.
7:48 - I can't believe I'm saying this, especially considering how much I despise Russell, but I like Brandon so far. I was expecting a Russell clone but he seems to want to distance himself from his uncle. Sure, he's a skeevy perv like Russell but he's trying.
7:50 - Challenge time! Anything with coconuts is always a good thing! Except mixed drinks. That's just gross.
7:52 - I wonder how many blue shirts Probst has in his wardrobe. 100? 200?
7:55 - And Coach's tribe wins! Sadly, the poet (Semhar, the chick the Oz-man has the hots for) on Ozzie's tribe started to wilt pretty quick on the coconut part of the challenge. I guess tossing coconuts into a giant net is harder than it looks. You know how it goes, screw up a challenge and you're on the block. See ya Semhar!
8:01 - Coach's tribe celebrates then quickly disperses to start looking for the hidden immunity idol. Given the combined IQ of this tribe, I'll be shocked if they ever find it.
8:02 - Wow, back at Ozzie's tribe Semhar immediately jumps on Colorado Jim. She's feeling the pressure and is trying to turn it on him. Pretty smart move but it comes across as desperate. If I was on her tribe, to me it would seem like a serious deflection job. Yo, Semhar, you did diddly squat during a challenge. Own it and move on, if not, you just look like a blamer.
8:03 - Says Sehar, "Something that might hold me back from this game is that I'm extremely honest." I love it when people say garbage like this. This BS line also goes with"I'm just being honest" and "I'm just keeping it real" and "You want the truth! You can't handle the truth!". So let me translate.
"I'm being an ass so I'll say what I want, then defend my words with 'I'm just being honest' to make it look like it's okay."
I got news for all of you people who are "just being honest", you're not just being honest. You're just being a giant douche.
8:04 - Survivor tip #2 (from a guy who has never been on the show but has watched every season multiple times) - keep your damn mouth shut. Open foot, insert mouth. The more you talk, especially with passion or anger, the quicker you go home. And yes, tip #1 and #2 are the same thing. That's how important it is.
8:08 - 8:12 - Oh crap, Ozzie is targeting my boy Cochran because he's physically weak. Jim says Ozzie is mesmerized by Semhar's body and I couldn't agree more. Mostly because I am too. Ozzie is going to single handedly screw this up because he's thinking with his junk. What I'd like to know is, why the heck isn't anyone aiming for Ozzie?!? Yo Oz, you keep the weak people around because they're expendable later. You do know you're going to need a guy with a brain some time, right?!? Semhar and her "spoken word artist" skills are not useful no matter where you are, especially not on a tropical island. Did you not notice she folded like a tent during the immunity challenge?
8:16 - Tribal council time.
8:16 - 8:21 - A lot of back and forth between Semhar and Cochran. It's not mean or vindictive, but Cochran certainly shows that he just might be more of a Survivor fan than a Survivor player. I really like the guy, but he runs smack dab into Survivor Rule #3 - Never, ever, under any circumstances admit you are a fan of the show. You won't be taken seriously.
8:23 - And Semhar goes to Redemption Island! Yes!!
8:27 - They just showed the tribal council results and everyone voted for Semhar. Nice bit of editing by CBS because they sure as hell sold it as a Semhar vs Cochran vote. Turns out, it wasn't even close.
Survivor: South Pacific is off to a good start. Ozzie and Coach were interesting, it looks like we might have some villains in the making (Christine, Jim, Sophie), and the cast (so far) appears to be a good one. All that said, what I'm enjoying most about this opening episode is that Ozzie and Coach don't appear to be dominating the game. Last season Boston Rob and Russell drowned everyone else out. This was fine with me since I've had a man crush on Rob for a number of years, but there was also a part of me (the part that, like everyone else, wants to be on the show) that resented it. It seems so far that Coach and Ozzie will blend in better and I like that. I think a balance of returning likable Survivors with new cast members could make for a very memorable season. I guess we'll see.
Catch you all next week!