Another Wednesday, another episode of Survivor: South Pacific. Before we get to this week's rundown, I have a comment about Jeff Probst.
I love the Probster. As TV hosts go, he seems like a regular guy. He's not a pretty boy metrosexual like Ryan Seacrest and he's not some space cadet like TJ Lavin. The dude actually adds something to the show, which is one of the reasons why I wish tribal councils got more air time, or that they'd at least have the entire tribal on cbs.com.
My point is, if you'd really like to get the most out of Survivor, you need more Probst. Follow him on Twitter as he Tweets during the show, even check out his stuff on Tout. For some people it may be Survivor overload. I'm not recommending you read every Tweet and watch every Tout video, but it does give viewers who really want to get a peek behind the curtain a better peek.
Okay, enough slobbering on the guy in the blue shirt. Let's get this thing started.
7:01 - Back at the beach after tribal council and Ozzy is bent that Elyse got blindsided. Overly so. The man just isn't mature/smart enough for this game. Why announce yourself as a free agent, playing only for yourself? Why tell everyone you have the immunity idol? If you really wanted some payback, wouldn't it have been smarter to piss everybody off so badly that the entire tribe votes for you and then you play it and someone they want to keep gets tossed? Throwing the game away at this point is stupid. Ozzy couldn't look worse right now. Well, I guess if he speared Cochrane in the eye he could look a little worse.
7:05 - Denver Jim on Ozzy's tantrum last night, "the guy couldn't have made any worse moves than he did". Couldn't of said it better myself. He's now completely flipped things around in the worst way possible. With tribemates that are fed up with his cry baby act, Ozzy looks like the next one to go. Unless he sleeps with Cochrane. It's the only way he can make up for spearing him in the face.
7:08 - Brandon has a case of "deja vu" by finding a clue for the hidden immunity idol (that Coach already has) without a note from Probst. This guy misuses words worse than Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman combined!
7:11 - Arena time! Elyse vs Nancy Grace's twin sister, Christine. It's a game of Survivor shuffleboard. Gopher, Julie McCoy, and Capt. Stubing would be pleased.
7:13 - During the challenge Christine flips off her tribe while scratching her nose. What the hell is going on? Is this Survivor: South Pacific or Survivor: The Middle School Years? What's with all the bittermen and the sense of entitlement? This is a fracking game (yes, I watch WAY too much Battlestar Galactica)! Show some decorum, some tact, some class. When has acting like a spoiled brat ever gotten anyone their way? If it really was an effective tactic, I'd start throwing a fit every night when my wife didn't massage my feet. Mmm, maybe I should try that.
7:16 - And Elyse goes home. Christine has won 4 in a row. Yawn. I gotta say, this duel idea is really losing its luster. If there was some rotation in the winner, perhaps it would be more interesting. But with someone out of the game soooo long, I doubt any viewer believes someone can truly be out for an extended length of time and be successful. Like Matt last season, you'd be spending so much time catching up to people who have figured out the game that you are lost. My suggestion? Win three times in the arena and you're back in, but on the opposing tribe. That way you'd give a team with a numbers disadvantage some leverage.
7:21 - Coach calls Edna her "friend", "adorable" and says he "loves her" all in the span of 60 seconds. Coach's Asian chick fetish refuses to be denied. I wonder how far Edna will let it go. Will she pretend to love him like Katniss did with Peeta in The Hunger Games? Or will it even go farther than that? If Edna ever kisses Coach, I'll projectile vomit all over my laptop.
7:24 - Ozzy has calmed down. I guess they have Prozac in the Survivor med kit. He realizes he has nowhere to go, kneels down and kisses Keith's ring, and apologizes to the rest of his tribe. That's one of the things I love about this game, it is so humbling. Just when you think you're steering the ship (controlling the game), a shark (the rest of your tribe), jumps up and eats your first mate (the hot chick you aligned with whose vote you had in your pocket). Good stuff.
7:28 - Immunity challenge/reward time. Pfft, it's just a coconut slingshot challenge. I have a setup just like it in my backyard.
7:31 - And Ozzy's tribe comes from behind and wins immunity and reward. Mikayla hurt her tribe by being stubborn and not using two hands during the slingshot portion of the challenge. Since she's been walking around in shorts and a tank top instead of a bikini in the last few episodes, I guess it's time for her to go.
7:38 - Ozzy's tribe enjoying the reward of food and a natural water slide. And all is right with the tribe. Isn't it amazing how some free time and some grub makes all the anger go away? That's something that I'm certain I underestimate (especially as I sit on my couch in front of my TV), just how much the living conditions effect your actions. Think about it. Imagine going without breakfast and lunch tomorrow. How irritable would you be? It's probably best that I'm not on Survivor. I'd likely turn into a lunatic. I'd end up making a fake coconut iPhone so I could "check" my email and get "online".
7:41 - Back at Coach's tribe and it looks like it's between Edna and Mikayla. Al, for some weird reason, wants Mikayla to stay while Coach is ready to see her go in favor of his Asian crush, Edna. This could be an ominous sign for Coach. If Al swings things his way, isn't he really the leader of the tribe?
7:44 - Funny quotes from this last segment - says Al,"If I had to do a Survivor draft and I have Mikayla and Edna standing next to one another it's a no brainer. I pick Mikayla 11 out of 10 times." Math is obviously not a baseball coaches strong suit.
Says Brandon, "I'm uneasy about Edna. She's too sweet not to be playing us." I get it, the old you're-too-nice-there-must-be-something-wrong-with-you logic. From a Hantz, this makes perfect sense. Yet again, Brandon proves he can be talked into anything. I can't wait until Mikayla and Brandon become BFFs three episodes from now and she talks him into suffocating Coach with his own buff.
7:46 - Interesting exchange between Al and Coach. Coach makes the case that Edna will do whatever he asks, that she's a loyal and solid 6. Al on the other hand brings up how she's a physical liability and that Edna knows she's the lowest on the totem pole and will flip the first chance she gets. I'm with Coach on this one. I'd go with loyalty over strength, which is always overrated in this game. And Al, don't you think Mikayla knows she's at the bottom of your tribe? And what's to say someone else in your "solid 5" won't flip anyway? This brings us to Survivor Rule #8 - stick with who you trust.
7:49 - Tribal council time! The tribe is clearly divided. Al and Coach go back and forth, then Brandon climbs up Mt Pious, misuses about 4 different words and opens his pie hole to say something completely non-sensical. The dude is a walking contradiction.
7:51 - Time to vote. The Cowboy is the swing. Who gets their way - Coach or Al?
7:54 - And Mikayla gets the boot. The Cowboy (Rick) made the only play he could. If he's thinking long term, which he should be, he can really use this to his advantage. If he's savvy enough he could turn his strong six into a tight four, leaving Al and Sophie on the outside looking in.
Final thoughts - Is it just me or did Mikayla suddenly start to look very average? I thought she was supposed to be this season's babe. What gives?... Ozzy's meltdown shows what kind of guy he really is, which is overly emotional. It's sad that a guy that has now played the game 3 times can't separate the personal from the gameplay. I'm not saying there is never anything personal that happens in the game, but what happened to Elyse certainly doesn't qualify...Guess how old Sophie is. Go on, guess! 22! I feel bad for the girl because she looks to be at least in her mid-30s. It's sad when someone who is 41 (Dawn) is in better shape than someone half their age.
That's all for now. See you next week!